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There's nothing left for me and you
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Confused [15 Aug 2006|06:27pm]
[ mood | confused ]

My trip in Arizona was awesome! I loved it. I am going to move to Sedona. The Grand Canyon was one of the most beautiful things I have ever saw. When I got back from my trip my car was in my drive way for me. I started working at Kinney's I like it. It keeps me busy. But, for the first time in almost two years I think I might have a crush. There is this kid at work. We have soo much in common. The same music, books, movies, thoughts, food, everything. It is amazing. But I am with Chris. I couldn't ever break up with him. I think he would go crazy. I know that he loves me so much. I can't leave him over a stupid little crush. Anyway the guy is 22. I am 18, but I don't think it would work out anyway. I want to go to college, and be something. Not work at some pharamacy the rest of my life. Chris is committed to me. And I should just forget it about it. It has been driving me crazy. Chris and I have done so many things together. We are practically married. He wants to spend his rest of his life with me. Next month we will be our 2 year anniversary. I can't ruin this relationship, and I am not going to. I am giving my crush (for not much longer) a ride home on Sunday. Just a ride home. Chris' birthday is coming up, and I spent over 400 dollars on him. The money is not important, the important thing is that we love eachother. But if I love him why would I have a crush on someone else? Fuck, I just wish for once someone would listen to my problems. I didn't tell Chris about this. And I don't think it is the best idea in the world to tell him. He would get super pissed. And probaly break something. I remember one time I really really wanted to go to this concert with my friend, and he drove 3 and half hours to get me a ticket. But Chris would not let me go. So, he broke a door. If I told him that I had a crush on someone. Shit, he would break the whole house, and probaly some bones too. I am just going to forget about it, and stay with him. The other guy we can just be friends. I am just confused.


There is a beautiful car in my driveway and it is mine yet I cannot drive it. [22 Jul 2006|02:55am]
[ mood | tired ]

I was so excited today to come to Connecticut. Nothing comes easy for me. I worked my ass off this year to get good grades so I can get a beautiful car. I kept an A average all stickin year. When I first saw the Mitsubishi Eclipse I was so in love. I knew that was the car for me. I did not want to look at any other car. I drove down that weekend all by myself for the first time, it was a 4 hour drive. But, I did it even though Chris begged me not to. My dad has had the hardest time registering it. So, he thought by Friday I could take the car before my trip. But no fucking people in California do not know how to send mail. I hate California and their stupid ass Citizen Bank. I hope California will just float off into the ocean with all the people on it. Sorry I am at my dad's house and I never sleep here, even if I wanted to I would have no place to sleep. To make a long story short everyone else in my fucking family is driving MY car first before me. I don't get my car after my fucking trip. Anyways I quit my job today to get a better job. My boss' were proud of me, I was so scared to tell them. I start working at Kinney's on August 4th. I miss Chris. I get to spend the whole week with him in Arizona. I am so excited about that. I saw The Guess Who tonight in concert. For old guys they really do freakin rock. The funny part was these two old fat lesbo's in front of Sarah and I. They were screaming and dancing *not a prettty sight*. But when they played American Woman and These Eyes every person there went nuts. But my pycho mom got bombed and at 11:30 at night I had to drive her to work. I hate driving in CT and at night. I do this volunteer crap at the hospital every Tuesday and Thursday with Chris' sister. I hate it. Even I am running around like a nut trying to find my way around this huge hosiptal or I am waiting around for these numbnuts who have no idea what the hell they are doing. This has been one crazy summer so far. I haven't worked out in decades. I need to start going to the gym again. I want to drive my car. My mom is going to drive it and fuck. Is it so hard to understand that I want to drive my car first? I thought it made perfectly good sense. My mom is a fucking crazy. The only thing she cares about is that stupid cafe. She doesn't cook, clean, and or care about her two daughters. I am so happy that this year is going to be my last year in high school. Then Chris and I can go off to college together. I will become a nutrionist and a fitness trainer and I have no idea what he is going to do. But, I am going to try to get some sleep. I will keep on writing when I get a chance.

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holy shit [25 Jun 2006|12:32pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I cannot believe I have not update in so long. It is finally summer. I am working at the same place, but it isn't all that bad. I am getting a car which is super sweet. And I have so much planned it is crazy. For my birthday as usual my mom gets to pick what she wants to do. So, for my 18th birthday I get to go to Lake Compounce. Atleast Chris is going to be there. I am still with Chris, it is going on 2 years in September. We plan on going to college together. My family hates the idea, but I could care less what my family thinks of my relationship. I am going to Arizona for a week at the end of July. I am going to be a senior in high school, which that is freakin awesome. And I am going to see Taking Back Sunday, The Honorary Title, and Say Anything in concert. I have not kept in contact with any of my Connecticut friends, which I feel guilty about that. I kind of have an idea what I want to study, and where I want to go. I want to study nutrition, and fitness and I want to go to Morrisville. Right now I am in Connecticut which I have not been here for over a month. I went to prom, got my liscence (FIANLLY!), and have been working. I am going to start working for Lacey (Chris' sister). Kim wants me to watch over her this summer, when I am not working at the gift shop. That should be fun. I need to start going to the gym again. Once I get a car Chris and I are going to go everyday after work. I wish it opened earlier and stayed open longer. It feels good to write again. I am buying CD's once again, because my Ipod died. Buying CD's feels awesome. I deleted my Myspace account because Chris did not like it because I had to much information on it. Which I can understand that. I miss my CT friends. My NY friends are kind of odd. I am still quiet, and kind of shy. I am going to start updating more and more. This summer should be fun. I really wish more bands played around where I lived. I want to see Angels and Airwaves, Mae, 30 Seconds to Mars, Saosin, Flyleaf, and so many others. But I can't always get what I want. So, if anyone reading this still wants to be my friend comment and I will comment back.


[23 Oct 2005|01:50pm]

I haven't updated in forever. I just never know what to write or say. The other day Sarah said something that really made me think. She said You have changed so much to make Chris happy but has Chris changed for you? I mean they are little things like my eating habbits, and when we are working out we listen to his music and never mine. And the way I think about things, and a lot of other things. Next weekend we are going to Lake Compounce. I love Chris with all my heart, and I know he loves me too. But sometimes I really stop and think is there any one else there for me? I have no idea why I updated.

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Bored [13 Aug 2005|05:28pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I do not like weekends. But this one wasn't that bad. I got Chris his birthday presents. I bought him a $60 CD player, an Ozzy box set, and a Black Sabbath shirt. I got my hair done but since no one is CT has fucking A/C, and it is 100 degress outside my hair is curly again. What a waste of $155. Sure the color is still there but whatever. Almost everyone got to Warped this year except me. Which pisses me off. I wanted to go to that concert for 4 years. Sarah god damnit add me back. Back to the Cobleskill fair tomorrow, I am meeting my lover there. I can't wait to see him I love him so much. I hope that we stay together all through out high school and college, and I hope I do marry him. There is no one else for me except him. We have been dating almost a year now. I am just truely in love.

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i am at chris' [23 Jul 2005|02:13pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Well well I hurt myself with glass once again. This time it was at work. My mom was rushing me to clean silverwear. And I starting crying. I picked up a very hot glass from the dishwasher and it broke. So, I was rushed to the hospital and had to get 7 stiches. Of course it is my right hand, and it is going to scar. I can't have sex for  a week because I have to take antibotics. But I am going to six flags it should be fun.

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my summer so far. [14 Jul 2005|07:44pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

Yesterday was my birthday which was awesome. Chris came over with all these nice gifts that I was not expecting. And his mom bought me this really pretty tank top and jacket. We went to the Zoom Flume. And Chris bought me more stuff. We were attacked by little kids every where we went. These two little fuckers tried to cut in front of me and Chris and I said " Ah no, I have been standing here for 30 minutes and there is no way in fuck I am letting these fuckers cut in front of me". So, I told the guy giving Chris and I the tube and he was clueless so I grabbed it. After we went out to eat and it took forever. So, finally we just got it wrapped up. I was kind of depressed because waiting was a waste of my birthday. But Sarah made it up when screaming in the car. I love laughing so hard that is hurts. We got home and me and Chris you know. Then he called his mom but the phone was busy. So he just slept over in my bed. I was supposed to have today off, but no I get called in. Which sucked because Chris and I had all  these plans. I can't see him tomorrow because he is working and so I am and I have to go to Connecticut. I went over his house after work and we went swimming watched Old School, and went for a very very long four wheeler ride. Later on I gave in a nice back massage. And we started talking about the beginning of the year. He lives 5 and a half miles away from me and on the first week of school he rode his bike all the way to town just to find me. He didn't know where I lived, but still I thought that was so cute. And one day he started following me home but didn't want to miss the bus. And he uesd to follow me. I love him so much. It is kind of weird we have only been dating for 10 months and I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. Well it is getting pretty late and I have to work tomorrow.

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summer time [24 Jun 2005|10:25pm]
[ mood | loved ]

It is summer time and I am so happy, and so in love. I don't have a place to work this summer, but that gives me more time to work out and have more self confidence. There are only a few bad things about this summer Chris doesn't like fairs and beaches. And those are basically the only things I do in summer time. Oh well I will figure out a way to make him go. This year was an awesome year.

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[18 Jun 2005|10:49am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I haven't updated in a very long time. I don't even like this thing any more. I was just looking back at some old entries from last summer. First I was in love with Justin, and then suddenly one day I didn't like him. Wow I was fickle. It was really mean of me. But me and Chris have been dating for 9 months now, the whole school year. Which is great. I love Chris, there is something I do not like about him. But I don't think you can love every little thing about one person. I cannot tell if this summer is going to be a fun summer, or a bad one. I hope it is a fun one. I know I am going to Hershey park with Chris for my birthday which will be swell. And then Darien Lake with his family. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and just started crying. I had the worst feeling in the world. I felt as if something really bad was going to happen to me, and someone around me. I know it sounds cheesy but I did not like that feeling at all. My nana woke up and told me to pray. I usually do not pray because I am not sure if there is a God or not. I really do not know why I am updating. But, I was thinking about just getting rid of this thing. Because I never use it. But I suppose I should keep it to look back on memories. I will see how I feel.


[13 May 2005|10:17pm]
[ mood | awake ]

                                           GOALS FOR SUMMER


  • Be the best girlfriend I can be.
  • Save up my money for car insurance
  • Work out a lot become skinny again.
  • Get Christopher the best birthday gift ever.

That is all I want  this summer.

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[07 May 2005|09:09am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Er sometimes I really dislike my nana. She was critizing my boyfriend, my Aunt Angie, and my mom. She called my boyfriend a fucking farmer, and she called my Aunt Angie stupid, and called my mom poor. What the hell? Who does she think she is to judge people like that? Chris is no farmer and even if he was why would it matter? And my Aunt loves her job so it is a good choice for her. Also my mom works her ass off for me and Sarah to be happy. Just because we all are not lawyers, and doctors does not mean we cannot be happy. I am going to choose a career when I feel the time is right. Not now. And oh no I am want to go to college in New York. How fucking horrible is that? Is it such a big deal that I like New York. And not fucking crowded cities. And the she was telling me what to do. Don't you be getting married to that farmer boy and be unhappy all your life. If I did get married to Chris I would be very happy because he would always put me first, and take really good care of me. I am saying that is going to happen. But still, I love my nana but she should really think before she opens her mouth. I am so pissed off right now. I am sick, and pissed off not a good thing. Whatever.

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[24 Apr 2005|06:42am]
[ mood | happy ]


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[16 Apr 2005|06:44am]

be back in 7 days =)

bleh, i needed to update [14 Apr 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I am in CT which totally sucks. But, I get to go on a vacation. The sad part is I don't get to see Chris for 9 days. I cried yesterday. I hate all this hormonal crap I'm on. We are leaving Saturday morning and not coming back until the Saturday after that. I get to go on a cruise ship which should be fun. I am just really going to miss Chris.

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Taste of Chaos. [25 Feb 2005|06:44am]
[ mood | grateful ]

I know I said I wouldn't update again but I saw the used! At first me and Sarah waited outside for 2 hours in the cold. And then the assholes made us throw away our digital camreas. But, me and Sarah were right in the front at first when A Static Lullaby started playing. When Underoath came on I was so fucking scared I thought I was going to get knocked down and stomped on. So I found Sarah and she brought me to a safe place. I love sarah. And I stayed by myself basically the whole night. I really don't like Killswitch engage, senses fail, and my chemical romance. To me the lead singer of my chemical romance sounded like an 9 year old girl. But, it could of been way to loud in there. And when The used came on I almost died. I love that band. And I got a shirt. And I got no sleep last night. But, I am in the best mood ever.

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i have decided not to write in my journal anymore. [12 Feb 2005|08:13pm]
I have never really anything to write about. So, I am going to keep my journal just to look back. But other than that I won't be commenting or updating. 
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really really good week. [12 Feb 2005|10:47am]
[ mood | tired ]

This has been one of the best weeks. We spent every moment together. And yah know. But, I have to get his Valentines' day present today, and next week we have been dating for 5 months. Which is amazing. And my grades are pretty good. But, I am about to go out. I need some coffee.


at home. [08 Feb 2005|12:45pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Tomorrow I am probaly going to be hated by all the cheerleaders. Today is the biggest game of the basketball season and I didn't go. I have to work on my homework and project anyways. But, there is no more practice and I get my life back. I get to really practice my drums and get good. I practiced for an hour today on a drum solo. Me and Chris are doing excellent. He is helping me with my Global project. We got 4 finches they are so cute.  I am going to go get a cup of tea and watch a movie or something.

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At Chris' [05 Feb 2005|10:03am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

This week was pretty good. I have only one cheerleading practice left and one more game! Which I hope I get deathly sick and don't have to do that gay dance. I think today we are going to look at snowmobiles. I never know what to talk about. But I can't text message for this month, because last month I went over my 500. That is a lot of messages. I really hope I don't get caught today, I am supposed to be in Connecticut and I am here. Anywho I am going to go. I will try to update later on. Oh yeah and we got a new computer in NY too.


[29 Jan 2005|10:30pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Today will be my last time updating until 2 weekends. I am staying in NY next weekend (thank goodness.) Well, most likely Chris will let me use his computer. Another boring weekend. I really wanted to go skiing but it never happened. I am at my nana's like every Saturday night. Nothing really else to say.

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